my complete, considered, unabridged and in-depth review of dave channel’s one-off red dwarf special - ‘the return to earth’, shown last night on the aforementioned channel:

“….oh dear!…”

has anyone else managed to stop cringeing yet?

it’s been a while since i spewed out some bilge for my eagerly waiting public and my eager wrists are grown puny and weak and unaccustomed to writing long articles. so instead, you must content yourselves with this fiendishly tricky ’spot the difference’ puzzle. see if you can spot one major difference between these two pictures of the american president announcing plans to increase the deployment of US troops on foreign soil:

picture 01

picture 02

it’s a real head-scratcher, isn’t it?

in a week where shameless television presenters have once again been outraging the great british public with their offensive comments, i think it’s time that we all just took a deep breath, relaxed and got our sense of perspective back with some good old fashioned family entertainment.

with this in mind i have designed a new funny bonkers and probably whacky character to bring a smile back to the outraged stupid faces of the popuplace. allow me to present to you ‘wee jock mpebo mgambwe mc fuckwitt’ - the one-eyed scottish idiotic golliwog.

i’ve sent a few scripts off to the BBC and i’m just waiting for their reply and a bit of funding before i get cracking on the first couple of epsisodes. but hopefully it willnae be too long before we can all enjoy the crazy fun-filled antics of ‘wee jock mpebo mgambwe mc fuckwitt’, the one-eyed scottish idiotic golliwog and the unpleasant events of this week will be swept away on a tide of helpless family-oriented laughter.