my contempt for that large percentage of the female population who would go out wearing a sack of dogshit tied round their waist if some skull-faced bitch in cosmopolitan told them to - and would then ponce round looking down their snotty noses at anyone ‘uncool’ enough not to be similarly attired - knows almost [...]

MASTERMIND SKETCH
interior. the familiar black chair, spotlit from above.  a sweet-looking [if slightly bewildered] old biddy is sitting in the chair clutching her handbag defensively in front of her chest and smiling innocently at the quizmaster.  the mastermind theme tune could be fading out in the background.
QUIZMASTER
your name please
BIDDY
edith bramble
QUIZMASTER
and your spe….
EDITH
[interrupting him] i’m ninety-seven, [...]

BUTCHER’S SHOP SKETCH
interior.  a butcher’s shop.  the butcher is standing behind the counter, smiling inanely, as a customer enters the shop and approaches him.  in fact, throughout the scene both butcher and customer should maintain an almost manically cheerful and enthusiastic disposition.
CUSTOMER
good morning madam.  i would like to purchase a fitted kitchen, please.
BUTCHER
an attitude [...]