my contempt for that large percentage of the female population who would go out wearing a sack of dogshit tied round their waist if some skull-faced bitch in cosmopolitan told them to – and would then ponce round looking down their snotty noses at anyone ‘uncool’ enough not to be similarly attired – knows almost [...]

MASTERMIND SKETCH interior. the familiar black chair, spotlit from above.  a sweet-looking [if slightly bewildered] old biddy is sitting in the chair clutching her handbag defensively in front of her chest and smiling innocently at the quizmaster.  the mastermind theme tune could be fading out in the background. QUIZMASTER your name please BIDDY edith bramble [...]

BUTCHER’S SHOP SKETCH interior.  a butcher’s shop.  the butcher is standing behind the counter, smiling inanely, as a customer enters the shop and approaches him.  in fact, throughout the scene both butcher and customer should maintain an almost manically cheerful and enthusiastic disposition. CUSTOMER good morning madam.  i would like to purchase a fitted kitchen, [...]