i must say that, so far, i’ve been disappointed in the efforts of the tabloid press to come up with a nickname for the serial killer, currently doing his bit to ‘clean up’ the red light districts of ipswich.
on the radio this morning, the review of the morning papers informed me that the sun had started referring to the perpetrator as “the sussex ripper”. now, not only is this disappointingly unoriginal. it’s also highly inaccurate. post mortems on the first three victims revealed no conclusive evidence as to cause of death and the fourth had apparently been strangled, so how can the hacks justify the use of the “ripper” handle?
funnily enough, only a day or two ago, me and mazza had been discussing the fact that [until then] the press hadnae come up with a nickname for this latest contestant for “criminal X-factor” and we batted back and forth a few suggestions of our own; “the fenland fanatic“, “the sussex submerger” [given that the first three vicitms were found in streams], “the barmy baptiser” [my own pet theory is that the killer will turn out to be a religious nutter, who's trying to cleanse his victims, by removing their slapper outfits and 'cleansing' them in running water] or how’s about the slightly more contrived “ipswich dip bitch”?
we came up wi that lot in about five minutes after hearing the story on the news, on the drive home from town.
now, bearing in mind that british serial killers are thankfully still a rare enough breed that this fellow is going to go down in criminal history and form the basis for an entire cottage industry in documentaries, sensationalist books and possibly even movies, in years to come - i think it’s a shame that the fleet street hacks couldnae find it within themselves to invest a similar amount of time in coming up with something comparably creative, before they put ink to newsprint. - “sussex ripper” indeed!
tune in again next time for more from “the bilge bollox brain”!
