what with nearly a month or two having gone by, without my receiving some fuckwitted missive or other from my favourite institute for the terminally retarded [aka. manchester city council], i could have been forgiven for daring to hope that, in the intervening time, some kind of basic evolutionary process had kicked in down at the town hall and that the collective IQ had leapt into double figures!
that foolish notion has, naturally, now been shattered - and more fool me for even entertaining such crazy ideas! yesterday brought another letter, liberally bedecked in red ink from one richard paver - the city treasurer, no less! in the letter, mr. paver [who's surname ought to give him a clue as to the level of skilled labour above which his genetic strain should not aspire], says as follows:
second council tax reminder notice
my records show that on the above date you were behind with your council tax payments. here are the details:
what you need to pay now is £58
below is a calculation of how the amount has been worked out.
the amount you should have paid so far £467,45 less your actual payments so far £409,45.
you now have seven days from the date of this letter to stop us taking recovery action against you by paying £58.
[ ..... etc. etc. .....]
“funny”, i thought, “surely i didnae overlook paying it last month? - or maybe i’ve not paid it on time this month….”
so i check my bill and find out that my payments are due on the 28th of each month - so it’s not for this month then. next i check my email. there in the mailbox lovingly marked “incompetent fuckwitts” nestle my receipts for council tax payments this financial year; april, may, june, july, august, september, october and november. well, ain’t that a real surprise! - my payments are up to date. manchester city council have fucked up my account yet again! how many times is that now, this year? - i’ve honestly lost count!
the part of the letter that really made me laugh [well, it was either that or go down the town hall with a machine-gun] was the final paragraph, which read:
this is the second time i have had to remind you that you are behind with your payments. if you fall behind again with your payments, you can no longer pay by instalments and you will become liable to pay the remaining years [sic] council tax in full. a third reminder notice will not be issued.
well, fuckwitts, this is the fourth [tho' doubtless not the last!] time i’ve had to remind the world that you are behind with your evolution. if you fall behind with again with your evolution, you can no longer evolve by instalments and you will become liable to make the remaining millennias’ evolutionary leap to the level of a simple parasitic insect in full. a third reminder notice will not be issued.
